two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
