Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
