U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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