Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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