I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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