she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When are your genitals available?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
