Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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