I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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