Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
