I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
