obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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