I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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