He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize