I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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