I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
