Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she looked like the before picture.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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