In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
