You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
