if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
