just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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