just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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