I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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