i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
