ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
