i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
