That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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