I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
