Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You just made me feel so damn special
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
