I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
