no, he came in my armpit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize