Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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