Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
