You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
