i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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