The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
