You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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