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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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