Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
