Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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