I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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