I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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