i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
