I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
