I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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