Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
