Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
