U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
