bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
