A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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