Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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