I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
