dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
