Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
