I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
