I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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