I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
