I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
