The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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