I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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