is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize