it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
