So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
