Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
