TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
