my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize