You really coming over, don't trick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need to get me chipped asap
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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