Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
