a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
